An open marriage seemed like a great idea to me.
I fantasised about all the women I’d bed and the no-strings-attached fun I’d enjoy. I imagined myself as a child at a sexual pickle.‘n’Mixing it up, trying out different lovers just to have fun.
Only it hasn’t worked out like that. None of the women I’ve dated in the past six months have brought me any happiness or joy.
I’ve encountered hostility, jealousy and anger.
I have been accused of being a time-waster by more than one person. “wanting to have my cake and eat it”.
The minute I open my mouth and admit that I’m married, but in a flexible arrangement, I’m called a creep.
Recently, I was messaging a divorcée online. We began to communicate well online, flirting, and we agreed to meet up. I booked a table at a popular bar, and prepared for a fun night.
She only took one look at my wedding band and then threw my beer in her lap. I tried to explain my circumstances, but she demanded I give her £100 for her taxi ride, hairdo and manicure. She ran screaming. “loser”Visit me.
My wife has the time of her lives. She is surrounded by men looking to date her and give her a bed.
She’s never been happier and says we should stick to this arrangement for ever, but it’s not working for me.
I’m jealous and lonely. I’m spending an increasing number of evenings on my own. This was never my intention.
Also, she’s using the money from our joint account to pay for new outfits, hotel rooms and waxings, so I feel completely shafted – but not in a good way.
JANE SAYS : Did your husband and wife make a decision to have an open marriage?
It gives me the impression that you just jumped in, without really thinking about it.
Now you find yourself disgruntled and cast adrift, while she’s never felt more empowered or attractive.
You’re still married, and you’re entitled to ask for some time out. Get in touch. Tell her that you’re struggling to cope.
You’re not having a good time and are jealous of her popularity and success.
What does she think? Are you ready to let her go if your past experiences have made it more difficult to protect your marriage? You may feel insecure if your past experiences are so different.
What about sexual safety? What happens if she has a crush on someone or falls in love?
There’s no denying that open relationships work for some people, but what made you hit upon this idea in the first place?
I worry that you’re playing with fire. It’s time to calm down, and get rid of the heat with honesty and discussion.